Coming to you from sunny southern Canada. You’re listening to channel Jay-el-oh-gee on your dial. You didn’t know we have sun in Canada did you? You thought it was just snow all year round. You think as soon as you cross the border from the U.S. there’s a wall of ice.
Don’t lie. I’ve been 100 miles across the border and people always ask me how’s the weather up in Canada? I say it’s about the same as here, I didn’t come from the North Pole you know and they look at me as if to say, yeah, but it’s Canada, how can it be the same as here? We’re the U-S of A, we’re not Canada.
Thank-you to everyone who participated in the Color Survey. All 17 of you. My second replacement monitor arrived a few days ago. I’ve had a total of 4 monitors now of this type but not more than 3 at a time. Right now I have a pink one, a blue one and a yellow one. All the primary colors. And I’m not talking about the frames.
So I got off to a running start this morning. I had to talk to tech support on a three hour time difference so I had to get up at the crack of dawn. That means before eleven. In the first hour we got cut off three times. One person put me on hold for 45 minutes of Pachelbel’s Canon. Not what Pachelbel intended I’m sure. Too many organs. The first time I ever heard Pachelbel’s Canon, loooong before it became muzak, it was done in a cathedral by a brass quintet and it was sublime.
Then the phone went dead and a pleasant automated voice said, “Please hang up and try your call again.” Great. Just what I was hoping for. I called back and got the person I was talking to yesterday who was pretty well up to speed and we were just getting into it when I moved to pick something up and ripped the headset cord out of the phone. I could hear him saying hello, hello and I was madly saying hello, hello back but he hung up. Then I called back and talked to someone who had a really bad connection so we decided to hang up.
Then I got to talk to Carl. Now Carl, brilliant man he is, had the solution to my monitor problems. Absolutely, without doubt, the problem is that I have one analog and one DVI cable. Of course the monitors look different, they’re different signals. He was so sure he was even willing to give me his name. His name is Carl. I’m not sure what the use of that is exactly. Do I get to sue Carl for my wasted time if he’s wrong? No, it just means now I have to go downtown and buy a split DVI cable because tech support said that’s the answer and there is no other answer.
First of all, it didn’t even make sense. But I stuck my head out the door anyway. It was around 100 degrees but I was only going out for 10 minutes.
I grabbed some food and headed down to an electronics store for the DVI cable. They didn’t have one, so I went up to a computer store. They didn’t have one but thought maybe they could order one. By the time the third store didn’t have one I was beginning to wonder if these things even exist. At the fourth store they told me no-one uses a split DVI cable. Higher end graphics cards have two DVI connections instead of one analog but no-one would split a DVI signal, that’s just nuts. Thanks, Carl.
At the 4th store someone said it’s probably a failed cable. That happened to him once, he replaced the cable, and boom! fixed! OK, so I purchased two new cables; one analog, one digital.
By now, it was about 110 degrees out. I hoofed it back down the block to my car and drove home. Not an oasis up in front of the hood, just waves bouncing off the cement, only a few more blocks to a glass of water.
I switched the cables out one at a time. Not the cables. I repackaged the cables, got back in the car, fried my hands on the steering wheel – it was now about 120 degrees out – and went back downtown. The parking gods were looking out for me and dished up a spot halfway in the shade only a block away. I made it back down to the store. OK, super computer techs, any more ideas? Well, it’s either the monitors or your video card. Well, isn’t that a stroke of genius. The monitors or the video card. I never would have guessed.
That means I got to call India. I always look forward to that with glee. This may be a copyrighted picture I’m not sure. It’s been going around in email. This is India, where I call for tech support when everything else has failed and after I’ve psyched myself up for a few days.
Now I got to talk to John. At least I could pronounce his name. He thought he’d do video diagnostics so I got out the CD and we started into that. But as soon as we got to the Run Tests screen he suddenly decided he didn’t want to do it. He wanted to restart my computer and change the color of my desktop background. So I said, “Is it really hot in India right now?” He said, “Not really.” I said, “It’s really hot here.” (That’s code for I think I’m not the only one with sunstroke.)
Then he decided he’d update the video driver. I said I did that about a week ago. He wanted to do it anyway which meant he also wanted to take control of my computer. You know that thing where you download a little program and the tech can control your mouse and look at all your private files when you step out for a bathroom break.
He uninstalled the driver and then he went to the Control Panel to uninstall the driver. I said you can’t uninstall it twice. I think he had a visual problem because he kept asking me to read things off the screen to him. He had me looking up and down the list of installed programs for the video driver for 15 minutes. (Is it HOT in India?)
Then he reinstalled the video driver twice. Anything different? Nope. OK, he’s going to send me a new video card. Then his supervisor came on the phone and thanked me for having the patience to troubleshoot for 90 minutes. 90 minutes to reinstall a video driver. I’m going to sleep like a brick tonight.
They were having some technical difficulties (see above picture) and couldn’t send me a confirmation number right now. But I do have his name. His name is John.